believerinlife

Fall has arrived and the pace of the summer days are over… And with this sudden change, I have found myself in a rather hectic work pace these days, so much so that going to my sanctuary, my heavenly yoga studio has become an opportunity rather than a preference… And yes, I do get much annoyed by this but then, if not through anything but through yoga I have learned much about the cycle of life, and that I have to respect that. And yesterday night, I have crawled out of the office, just for a few hours, to attend much deserved Chris Chavez’s class, just to return back to work after I unwind a little bit.

And to my wonder, his teaching resonated with what was going on in my world and how I was handling it. Thats the wondrous approach he takes, somehow each teaching corresponds to a current issue in your life and those words do touch and nurture that which challenges you most at that point in your life. Once the perception is altered, the awareness shifts and you come out of the class a step closer to the true version of yourself.

And very rarely, during meditation I not only meditate but see a vision. I always presumed that this happened when I was at a peaceful state of mind. But to my wonder, this time,against all odds, I not only left my shoes outside the door but all that was occupying my mind.

In my meditation I suddenly envisioned us all as if we were seeds on this earth, and we were blossoming through life with each people we meet, each journey we take. Once we were mature enough we flourished and exploded and all thats is the essence of us, all that we are, is scattered around the ground.  

I suddenly realized that, those new seeds that is the essence of ourselves, is dispersed all around the world. And thus we reach further places than we can ever envision… Beyond this world, beyond this time… And change the beat of the creation with our input. Reminding me that we are in this journey to manifest our reality and if we do live a life that is true, in touch with that is infinite, that is love… We alter the reality of not our own lives but of all that we are in contact with and beyond.

And with this insight, I left all that agitation, all that stress and attended the issues in hand with sincerity and patience. No matter how lost we feel within a situation, we should always remember that all that we perceive is temporary. If we go in to ourselves, nurture that is untouched and come back into the world with that truth, and hence, express it though our actions in daily life… Every step of this journey, even the most challenging ones becomes a teaching, a progress, a blessing at the end. 

Just a simple breath in life, surrounded by the sun, the crisp blue of the Aegean sea, white washed houses of the Greek islands, the sounds of the crickets, the smell of the nature and exceptional friends… 

That was the state of mind I was in this weekend. Against all odds, two amazing souls found each other and promised to love and cherish the other for the rest of their lives, and we were fortunate enough to witness such a union. I generally do not like eternal words when it comes to feelings, relationships, promises… This is life and sometimes it leads us to unexpected destinations and hence keeping those promises might be quite a challenge. But in this particular case, I beg to differ. This time, from the bottom of my heart I know, I feel that this is it… this union will survive the turbulences of life… The intention, the hearts are so pure that they will lead their lives hand in hand, heart to heart and will be a living proof that it can happen, love can concur all! 

It was one of those weekends that time stayed still and there was nothing left to do but be present in the moment… The feeling of love among all was so strong that it was almost tangible, you could almost touch it… Surrounded by beautiful, sincere smiles … experiencing the lightness of being, existing, breathing, feeling…

Today, I have an extended Dutch family! We are so lucky to be born as humans in this lifeline and be able to experience such contentment and love beyond borders! This weekend two become one in every possible way:) 

So, Fatos and Martine, I thank you for being who you are, just as you are; with all your assets and flaws. Your reality surpasses your existence and inspires us all! I am not gonna wish happiness for you… Because I know you two will make each other happy. I believe we make our own destiny, and the state of mind you are in dictates the quality of life you will have… Be the love and light you already are and the rest will be spectacular and exceptional! 

I love you both individually, separately and together as an entity with all my heart! May life be your playground!!! 

I feel totally utterly naked these days. So naked that what you see is what you get, transparent almost… With my words, with my heart, with my intentions, with my soul as naked as I could be….

I am living myself, my true self openly with all my assets and shortcomings. When I hear praise, I accept it with all my heart. When I hear a judgement, I try to see it beyond ego and search for its reality in the self.

I am putting myself out there with almost no filtration. Free… That is how I feel lately. Free from my self limitations, my self judgements, of what was imposed upon me, of who I should be… I just “am” these days.

When you intend to live this reckless, this free… There is no other option but to see what you are made of, what that core that resides within you is yearning for. In the light of this search, this yearning… When I glanced in me, I found out that I am a writer.

It took me 41 years to say that, but now I know that reality which resides within me. I believe you don’t become a writer in time, you come into the world with this notion in you. There is nothing you can do but write, there is this undeniable urge to do so. Words just flow out of you and you find yourself writing in the most awkward times and places. As an example, I am having a massage right now, literally… And while my eyes were shot and I was listening to my body and that inner voice within me, these words that you are currently reading right now just found life within me and wanted to go out, be told. And here I am; writing. It doesn’t matter if its good or bad, I simply do not care. Of course some encouragement is more than welcome; we are humans after all, whole with this inseparable part of our self… our ego. But the intention is what makes the difference, its not to be liked or to be appreciated but simply to be heard. To get THAT out of my system and share.

If its a calling that is coming from your inner core, and when you are aware of it, its time that you make it your reality. Let it flow and find its own path of where it wants to take you. If the source is so pure and true without any attachments, you will simply know that not only the journey but the destination will also serve this purpose. Everything is and will be what it is supposed to be.

Words are the gifts that was bestowed upon me. They are the means of communication I love to use in my interaction with the outside world. And I am good at it. I use it only to express beauty and appreciation and love. Being genuine and open is my motto. I tell good things to everyone I encounter. I am not kidding, literally every single one, when the opportunity rises. I tell them openly at least one good thing about themselves, something we all recognize in the other but somehow choose not to say, may be even take it to the opposite end and judge. Those things, I choose to say to the other at that moment, out loud and with delicate words. I cant help it, its almost automatic! It just pours out of my like that. I pay extra attention for them to be from a place that is untouched by the self but from the source itself.

I am naked these days, I am me and I am becoming what me wants to be… Be silent and centered enough to hear it and be humble enough to let that belief, that reality guide you, come what may, knowing that something this strong and uncontrollable and pure can only take you where you were intended to be in the first place. 

Tonight I want to talk about love… That love which is so true that shakes up all your reality, beliefs… A kind of love that doesn’t evolve and mature over time but just is present at that first moment you see the other. The kind of love that poets like to write about; that a novel can not even capture it as a deep literature from the heart can cover and communicate.

I felt that possibility; the reality of that love in a movie tonight. Best movie I have seen for the longest time! So genuine, so real… About a love, I truly hope that exists in this world. So full, so alive, so deep, so true… My heart is full of light happy feelings, especially hope…. “Twice Born”… Amazing performance by Penelope Cruz! Embodying such a love that movies like Across the Universe, One Day, The Notebook has talked about. 

You dive in to your heart, into those dreams that you have been holding so close to your heart… And it becomes your reality even for this brief moment in time. 

I know it still is an idea but if you have been lucky enough, you might have tasted this uncontrollable, tender love that shakes your core and awakens every cell of your body, even for brief a moment in time. But even if you have not lived this before, the fact that someone has thought and directed and communicated it to us tonight… Is still enough for me to believe in the existence of such love, the idea that someone has dreamt about this and wrote about it is more than enough for me to keep believing and feeling alive!

I believe in love in this world! That with small shifts in our awareness, our perception, if we show enough attentiveness and sensitivity, we can live that soft, capturing, sincere, naive, passionate, “my eyes cant see an other but you” kind of love.

 A love that F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “and they swift briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered” words tries to capture or that William Shakespeare has felt at one moment in time and expressed with his eternal words “when I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew” kind of love. So impulsive, so inevitable that there is no other option but to let it swift you away into a land that you have never been before, into a sea of emotions you never knew that existed within you. 

Even though I might not get to live that kind of love first handedly in this lifetime, the mere thought of it, the possibility if it existing in this world that I live in just gives me hope for the future…. I know that until the last breath that this eternal body holds, I will keep on believing,  this hope will shed a light in my journey… My belief in a love that would capture our bodies, our mind and our souls together at once that every time we look into the eyes of the other, we feel ever so grateful to be living, to be breathing and to be able to see the beauty that lays in front of us.

Oh well, I am an hopeless romantic…and if you are too, go and watch it! 

Let there be love… Always!

Beautiful, heart to heart conversations bare many insights and understandings in life.

Yesterday night as I was having a conversation with a very dear friend of mine, we were talking about how some people make us feel uneasy. Its not that we dont like them, but rather find ourselves in an uneasy dialog with them, the connection sieze to exist. And I suddenly realized that with some people I somehow can not move an inch further than casual conversations. 

I like to dive in the other when I converse, really get to know them; what moves them in life, what hurdles they try to overcome, what their real passion and aim in life are. And with some people, unfortunately, these contacts remain as brief encounters. I feel that constant barrier. I do not get to grap who they really are and in return, move a step backwards and keep on observing them, searching that glimpse of life, a hint of their reality. 

Yesterday as we were conversing, I suddenly realized what main common attribute those people carry that push me away from them; they all are extremely polite, somehow political, proper people. 

Nothing is proper in life. The real, natural way is to be a little wild, a little crazy, a little extraordinary. When you look at the nature, what you see is what you get. Plants grow just the way they like it, wild within their environment but still captivating, original and beautiful. We are all a part of that nature, unique and special, every single one of us. But we are humans, born into our families, social communities and in time that reality is reshaped by the norms and rules of the environment we live in. That is the nature of life, and it sure is a necessity of life; to remain within some social boundaries, to carry basic human values. But in the meantime, it sure is crucial to be true to ourselves while still preserving our respect towards all living things and our position within our communities. 

I love to see that reality in the eyes of the other. Feel a glimpse of life, their true exceptional being shining through their eyes. Always prefered those who are alittle crazy, spontaneous, who somehow has less filtration of their thoughts, feelings and joy in life. 

A little crazy is real; expectable and acceptable. At least you get to see the true nature of the being in front of you. Then you can decide if you want to keep them in your life permanently or not. But there are some circumstances that the other is so proper and lets say, normal, that I choose to keep a distance, may be to protect myself, or may be because I simply can not find any reason to further that conversation. 

But, this is me. Not everyone is like me, I know that. Still, I wish that we could really have the opportunity to SEE the other, see their passion, life energy pouring out of their souls and uplifting us, inspiring us, helping us to break free from our unnecessary habits, boundaries, prejudices towards life. 

Experince life the way we were meant to be… A little crazy, a little wild but totally free! 

English version will follow.

Coca Cola’nın yeni bir reklamı lanse oldu geçen ay dünya çapında; “Labels are for cans, not for people.” “Etiketler insanlar için değil, ambalajlar içindir.” Duyduğum ve seyrettiğim anda ruhuma, gönülden inandığım bir konuya dokundu.

Hayatındaki hiçbir şeyi, hiç kimseyi etiketlememek. Karsındakini olduğu gibi görmek ve kabul etmek; karşındakini gözlerinle değil, benliğinle görmek; kim olduğuna, gerçekten neden yapılmış olduğuna odaklanmak; karşındakini dinine, diline, ırkına, etnik grubuna, mevkisine, konumuna, titrine, medeni haline, tuttuğu takıma, hatta cinsiyetine, cinsel tercihine bakmaksızın görebilmek; her şeyden önce ONU görebilmek.

Hepimiz her gün birçok alt kimlik taşıyoruz; yaşanmışlığın verdiği, insan olmanın kazandırdığı ve bizi tanımlayan alt kimlikler bizi bugün olduğumuz insan olarak tanımlıyor. Asıl amaç ise bu kimliklerden arınmış, temiz, gerçekten tasarlanmış olunan şekli ile görebilmek ve kabul edebilmek; kimliksiz bakabilmek. Hayatımızdaki tek ana niyet bu olmalı kanımca. Ondan sonra ona bahşedilen bu alt kimlikler o özü nasıl şekillendirmiş, bunu değerlendirmeye başlayabiliriz ancak. Karşımızdakinin özünü gördüğümüz zaman, tüm iletişimimizi güçlü bir temel üzerine kurmuş oluyoruz. Ondan öğrendiklerimizden gerekli bulduklarımızı kendimize ekleyip, ya o kişiyi hayatımızda tutuyor, ya da hayatımıza devam ediyoruz.

Bazen kendimizi hiç içinde olacağımızı düşünmediğimiz durumlarda, grupların içinde bulabiliyoruz; daha önce tanımadığımız, bilmediğimiz ortamlarda bulunabiliyoruz. Yeni tanıştığımız insanları tek tek kafamızda irdeleyip, yargılamaktansa, karşımızdakileri oldukları gibi görmeye odaklanırsak eğer, hayatımızdaki her iletişimi çok güçlü temeller üzerine kurmaya başlıyoruz.

“Labels are for cans, not for people.” İnsanlar tüm renkliliklerini, yaşanmışlıklarını bir bedende taşımakta ve kendilerine has bir şekilde hayata geçirmekte. Kanımca, daha büyük bakabilmeliyiz hayata ve karşımızdaki insanlara. Bize aykırı gelse de yaşama haklarına, kendi gerçeklerini hayata geçirme haklarına saygı duymalıyız.

Büyük bakmalı, büyük yaşamalıyız bu hayatı hem de doya doya

English version

Last month Coca Cola has launched its new campaign all around the globe; “Labels are for cans, not for people.” The moment I heard about this campaign, the intention has touched to a very sensitive concept in my heart.

We should not put labels to anything or anyone. We should be able to see and accept the one present in front of us; look with our souls, not only with our eyes; focus on who they actually are but not what they are made of. We should be able to see the other surpassing their religion, language, race, ethnicity, rank, occupation, level, the team they support, their marriage status, sex or sexual preferences.

We are the sum of our sub identities that experiencing this life as a human being has brought into our lives. In reality, we should be able to see the other stripped from all these identities, clean as they initially intended to be, and in return, accept them as they are. We should be able to perceive beyond their identities. This should be the ultimate intention in our interactions. Once accomplished, then we can start to shift our focus to see them in totality embodying all these identities. Only if we see their true reality, we would be able to base our whole interaction on that truth. Then we can add what is needed to the self and then make the decision whether to keep them as a part of our daily life or not.

Sometimes we find ourselves in such places, in such situations that we would never for once have considered that we would be in those environments one day. We could find ourselves in such situations that we may have never experienced before. And, before we start to classify these new people in our heads, judge and divide them into specific groups, if we focus on truly seeing the other, we would be able to base our relationships on solid grounds.

“Labels are for cans, not for people.” We all posses all our memories, experiences and hence, colors in one single body, and express it in a way that is unique only to that specific individual. We should be able to look at life and others from a wider perspective. Even if it sometimes contradicts with our beliefs and perception, we should be able to respect others right to live and express their own reality.

We should be able to perceive and live life in a wider perspective, fully!

For English version please scroll down

En kendimizde olduğumuz, iç huzurumuzu bulduğumuz anımızda her nedense evren “Sen misin çözdüm zanneden ve rahatlayan, al birde bununla yüzleş, bakalım bu konuda ne yapacaksın.” dercesine hiç beklemediğimiz bir anda kendimizle ilgili yeni bir çalışmaya sokuyor bizi aniden. Belki de farkındalıkla gelen sürecin bir parçası bu. Normalde hiç farkına varamayacağımız yönlerimize odaklanmamızı sağlıyor. Her ne kadar süreç birazcık yorucu olsa da, zaman içinde kendimi bu tür yanılsamalara karşı korumaya başladım. Olaya kapılmadan içimde, derinlerde, gizlice nelere dokunmaya çalıştığını izlemek ve bir nevi bunun farkındalığı ile adım atmak, içimdeki değişime olanak sağlıyor ve böylece bir yükümden daha arınmaya yönelik bir adım atıyorum. Arınıyorum derken zannetmeyin ki tamamen sistemimden çıkarıp atıyorum, zaman zaman gelip tekrar gıdıklıyor beni… Beklenmedik bir anda, hiç beklenmedik bir ortamda yine yüzleşmek zorunda kalıyorum kendimle, sanki hiç üzerinde çalışmamışçasına, hiç farkına varmamışçasına tekrar başlıyorum aynı yolculuğa… En nihayetinde insan olmanın bir parçası bu da, gelişim ve öğrenim yolculuğundayız bu dünyada. Önceki tecrübelerimden farklı olan tek şey ise, bu durumun beni ele geçirmesine el vermiyor oluşum sadece. Daha doğrusu, vermemeye çalışıyor oluşum. Farkına vardığım anda o devinimin dışına çıkıyorum ve izlemeye başlıyorum. Bu his nelere dokunuyor içimde, neler değişime direnç göstermekte ki ben hala kendimi aynı dönme dolabın içinde bulabiliyorum aniden.

Yakın zamanda fark ettim ki, başkalarında bizi rahatsız eden özellikler aslında farkında olmasak da, farkına varmak istemesek de, bir nebze de kendimizde de bulunan özellikler olabiliyor. Ne yazık ki, en yakınlarımızla olan diyaloglarımızda karşılaşıyoruz bu durumla. Aslında hayatın değişik kesimlerinde bambaşka insanlarda belki sebep olabiliyorlar bu içsel rahatsızlığa ama burada sanırım devamlılık ön plana çıkıyor. Sıradan diyaloglar ya da etkileşimler anlık olarak bizi rahatsız etse de, neden ettiklerine dair bir yolculuğa çıkmaktansa onları hayatımızdan çıkartmak ya da uzak tutmak seçeneğini kullanmak daha kolay bir çözüm olabiliyor. Ama merak etmeyin, bu yüzden sevdiklerimiz ve vazgeçemediklerimiz var hayatımızda. En saklı olan ve bizi zorlayan, yüzleşmek istemediğimiz yaralarımıza, yönlerimize basanlar hep onlar oluyor.

Yıllar önce ashramda Guruji ile olan bir diyalogumu anımsıyorum. O dönemde çok sevdiğim bir yakınımla olan iletişimimde “anlaşılma, kabul görme” isteğim öylesine ön plana çıkıyordu ki, bu eksikliği gidermek için gösterdiğim çaba hem beni ondan uzaklaştırıyor hem de iç huzurumu engelliyordu. Ve sessizlik esnasında yazıp Guruji’ye bu sorumu iletmiştim; “ne zaman beni olduğum gibi kabul edecek” diye… şefkatle bana bakıp “sen ne zaman onun seni olduğun gibi kabul etmeyeceğini kabul edeceksin?” diye cevap vermişti. Her ne kadar o an aldığım cevap beni tatmin etmese ve hatta sinirlendirdiyse de, zaman içinde verilen mesajı anlamaya başladım. Ne zamanki bu olgu ile barışmaya başladım, ilişkimdeki iletişim de düzelmeye başladı kendiliğinden. Bende onu olduğu gibi kabul etmiyordum aslında ve farkına vardım ki onda beni rahatsız eden özellikler aslında benim kendimde görmezden gelmeye çalıştığım, egomdan dolayı kendime yakıştıramadığım özelliklerimdi. Bu farkındalığı ilişkilerime taşımaya başladım, karşımdaki aslında sadece kendimle yüzleşmem için gönderilmiş bir ulaktı. O kişiyi değiştirmeye çalışmayı bırakıp bizde neyi tetiklediklerine odaklanırsak, kendi gelişimimiz için bir adım atmış oluyoruz. Ve belki de, akabinde, onlarla olan iletişimimiz, yıllarca çözmeye çalıştığımız o kördüğümde kendiliğinden çözülmeye başlıyor.

Şu kısacık hayatımda gördüğüm ve bildiğim bir şey varsa… Bizi kimse olduğumuz gibi kabul etmeyecek, kendimiz etmediğimiz sürece. Önce kendimizi olduğumuz gibi görmeye açık olmalıyız. Kendimizi görmek istediğimiz, dışarıya yansıtmak istediğimiz şeklimizle değil de, gerçekten olduğumuz gibi, gelişime açık bir şekilde görebilmeliyiz. İste ancak, bu kabul ediş içinde cevaplar adım adım önümüze çıkmaya başlıyor. Ama şunu da söylemeden geçemeyeceğim, değişim aniden hayat bulmuyor, her şey gibi bu da bir süreç. Sonuçta, önümüzde koskoca bir hayat var bunları hayata geçirebilmemiz için. Eminim tam bitti dediğim noktada hiç bilmediğim, o güne kadar yüzleşmediğim bir katmanımla tanışacağım ve bu da beni yine bir arayışa, anlayışa, değişime, yolculuğa çıkartacak. Hayatın güzelliği de bu değil mi? Çok sevdiğim bir laf var; “Herşey sonunda çok güzel olacak, eğer değilse, daha son gelmemiş demektir”… Biz iyisi mi yolculuğun doyasıya keyfini çıkartalım! Varsın zorlasın bizi, günün sonunda nefes almaya devam ediyorsak, her zaman bir ümit var demektir.

English Version

Whenever we find ourselves centered and our inner peace intact, universe somehow rearranges itself, as if telling us “do you really think you have solved everything, so here, deal with this now!” and we suddenly find ourselves facing our limitations and fears once again. May be, this also is a part of the awareness process, it guides us back to focus on one aspect of ourselves we have overseen for long. Although the process is quite draining, in time, I have learned to protect myself from such illusions. Without getting caught up in the process, I try to track that feeling back to where it is intending to touch and shift within me, those aspects deeply hidden within my soul. Moving forward with such awareness leads to a transition within my soul and I get one step closer to be purified from that load. This purification does not necessarily indicate that I get rid of it for good, the same subject do surface back again in time, carving its way, trying to find its way back into my life. As if I have not moved an inch on this path, haven’t faced any of my demons I find myself back in the cycle, forced to face myself once again. I know that this too is a part of humanity; it is a continuous journey of progress and learning. The only distinction from my previous experiences is that; I do not let this process be the definition of my life. Or at least, try not to let it be. Whenever this realization awakens within me, I step out of the situation and try to be the observer rather than the participant. What parts of mine are being agitated because of this situation, what is it within me that is resisting to change that I find myself tackling with the same feelings over and over again.

Lately I have realized that those attributes that we do not like and somehow judge in others are actually the attributes we choose not to see in ourselves, somehow try to suppress in ourselves. These situations find life while we are in communication with those who are the closest to us. Although sometimes people we encounter in our daily lives may raise that agitation within us, instead of embarking on a journey to find out why that feeling is arousing within us, we choose to keep a distance with them, even push them out of our lives. I think consistency is the key here. Those people whom we cannot give up in life, who are our family or the loved ones we choose to carry in our lives in spite of all the drama they cause in our lives, are usually the ones who find those hidden buttons within our soul and push us to the edge to face our dark sides.

Years ago when I was in the ashram for silence in India, I remember having this conversation with Guruji. During that time I was having difficulty in communicating with a loved one and my need for appreciation and acceptance was so vivid in our relationship that in order to avoid this conflict, I was moving away from her which was not helping the situation at all, but rather disturbing my inner peace further. So, during the silence process, I wrote down my question and delivered it to Guruji; “when is she going to accept me as I am?” He looked at me with compassion and replied “when are you going to accept that she is not going to accept you as you are?” Although the answer I received was like hard cold slap on my face, it didn’t satisfy my need to be understood and somehow made me angry. In time I started to receive the message that was delivered during that brief conversation. The moment I started to make peace with this reality, my relationship took a shift naturally on its own. I realized that I too was not accepting myself regardless; those attributes that I judged in her were actually were the parts of me that I was trying to avoid, that my ego was trying to suppress. With this awareness, this shift in me, I started to have a new found perspective in my relationships. They actually were messengers; for me to come with terms with myself. Rather than trying to change the other, if we focus on what feelings their actions trigger in us, we move one step closer to self development. And may be, in the end, that never ending dilemma in our relationships diminishes in time.

If there is one single thing I have learned and observed in life, it is that nobody is going to accept us unless we accept ourselves regardless and because of all those shortcomings we posses. Before all else, we need to be open and just be what we actually are; not the way we want to be or how we want to be perceived by others. And with this acceptance, universe starts to unfold in front of us. But, this does not happen suddenly, like everything in life, this too takes time, it is a process. And I am sure, the moment I claim that I have achieved everything, I will suddenly have to face a new layer of my being, and this will push me to a new journey to search and understand that I have not known before. There is a saying which I really love “Eveything will be OK in the end, if it’s not OK, it’s not the end.” The day we reach our destination will be the day we will seize to exist on this universe as human. Until then, we need to enjoy this journey called life. Come what may, there is always hope if there still is life in us and if we are still breathing.

In spite of all the chaos of the city you reside, you find these little gems, serene paradises that bring peace and harmony to your soul. You feel at home, connected to yourself and all that is surrounding you. The disconnection you feel towards the city just disappears and you no longer want to run away and live in small village out in the nature. You are happy just the way you are.

For me, in this city that I live in, being on the Bosporus awakens that feeling within me. I forget all that is disturbing me about this city and just melt in the amazing view of the two continents stretching out in front of me.

Years ago, when I first moved back to Turkey from LA, I was not able to adapt to this city. My heart and soul was in LA, and honestly I couldn’t understand what the big fuss about this city was that people were talking about. I never was a fan of Istanbul. So, the following 6 months have passed in haze, trying to fit in, find a haven within my heart to make this city my home. Then, at that New Years, a very dear friend from LA came to visit us in Istanbul. And it was when I got the opportunity to see this city through his perception; I started to see the hidden beauties people were marveling about. I remember it like yesterday. We were passing through the bridge from European side to the Anatolian side for the New Year’s party. For me, it was a daily routine. I never for once stopped to think about this passage and what it was representing. And I suddenly saw his expression change; his enthusiasm was pouring out from him and capturing me. He turned to me with shiny blue eyes and said “This is the first time I am pressing my foot onto Asia.” Yes… that route that we regularly took without much consideration actually was one of world’s exceptional, unique routes. A city connecting two continents, a land that hosted many civilizations, a fertile land our ancestors have travelled to and settled down and made our home… and at that moment, when I glanced at the city, passing from the bridge, through his eyes, his vision, my understanding of the whole city has transformed.

That is the day I made a promise to myself to always LOOK with my eyes and SEE with my heart, not with my mind. To be open and perceptive.

So, whenever this city suffocates me, I get on a boat and try to look at it from his perspective, and once again be grateful for all the beauty that it offers.

All these thoughts have rushed back into me while I was sitting at Yo Café waiting for my Wednesday class to begin at Cihangir Yoga. This yoga studio in Istinye was also one of my escape routes in the city. Located in an open air shopping arcade in İstinye (which is very exceptional for Istanbul I must add. We are surrounded with so many shopping malls that little village centers almost seize to exist), whenever I arrive here, although physically I am still in Istanbul, my soul feels light and airy as if I am back in LA. Although it is located in the middle of the city, it has this suburban texture; time slows down, sounds disappear, even the grey dirty air of the city melts away… and I find myself in a dreamland. Every soul I encounter here greet each other with a huge sincere smile, they too are appreciative of this special place providing us a home to meet ourselves again and again.

May we always have these places that shed a light on our days, leaving us peaceful and at home… Places of gratitude where we get to see the God within us and carry that knowledge in our daily routine lives.

 Yo Cafe, Cihangir Yoga, Istinye

No matter how much you work on yourself, how much you ground yourself and how much you come close to finding / living your reality, sometimes when your body is really tired and worn out, old habits find a route to kick back in… You suddenly find yourself in a meaningless anxiety stage and fear captivates you… Fear that panic attack might be surfacing once again, fear that your brain might be getting the best of you and consuming you once again, fear that you might fall again. And just like you did long ago, you take your pen and paper and start writing once again, this time to bring yourself to the present moment, to remind yourself that you have been through this and there is light at the end of the tunnel, that you are healthy and this is just a temporary game of the mind dominating over a tired body.

Once again, life reminds you that everything is designed for the humans, good things come hand in hand with not so good things in life and all you have is the reality you hold dear to your heart. The only reasonable thing to do is be grateful once again that you are strong and healthy … Just close your eyes and once rested; life still will be waiting for you. You just have to breathe and be patient! Breathe, focus on just that one thing you know and believe in this truth that resides within you. Breathe life back in and with every breath you give, release all that tension and anxiety which is a part of you but not that defines you.

After a long while this was the state of I mind I have found myself in couple days ago. Once again, I have found myself being the observer of my mind and realized how strongly it tends to dominate all that I know within my soul. So much so that, in that single moment, you tend to forget all that you know, being consumed in that negative state of mind. Today, I am grateful that I have faced my demons once again and am back into my element. Although I do believe that we are a part of the creator, I still know that we are humans and this life is designed to test our limits. And hence, appreciate once again the potential that I have to hold on to light that resides within me.

Just after all these recent experiences, today, I have come across with one of Jeff Foster’s talks; he was referring to that unchangeable essence we all posses… that core which still remains untouched regardless of the things happening in our lives, surpassing all the drama or happiness but remaining calm and centered and untouched. Now I know that, when in need, the only sane thing I can do is to refer to that truth within me, breathe, connect and follow its guidance. Although sometimes, it may be hard to hear that inner voice cluttered with the sound of our mind, believe that it is still there, and when you see the glimpse of that light within you, hold on to that and follow that hazy path back into your core… then, rest, cuddle into it, surrender and rest… That is my reality; my savior during those times is of which Jeff nicely referred in his talk; that reality of which I believe exists in all of us.

So, today, unfortunately there were no butterflies and happiness in my words but rather the verbalization of hope that existed even through rough times… the reality that we are humans and we do fall sometimes, whether we like it or not…. But still, we hold the key, hidden under all those chaos of thoughts, the key resides within us… reach out, connect and surrender…at least, that is my remedy at these situations that worked so far.
Namaste loved ones, stay safe and sound!