believerinlife

Rhythm of our souls

December 2, 2014

Turkish/Türkçe

Inspiration strikes in the most unexpected places, at the least anticipated times… Yes, that’s how amazing life is!!! There is always a surprise, something exciting waiting for you around the corner… if you choose to see.
I was at a business trip this weekend, a training trip with those people whom I truly adore and love to work with. I believe my work environment and my colleagues are not only exceptional in Turkish standards but also in the world standards. I work in this small, boutique office located in the heart of Istanbul. When I gaze out of my window, I see this beautiful tree which carries every promise each season brings, accompanying me through life, every day. In this haven, I am surrounded by these warm hearted souls who are pure and open in sharing their own reality, accepting each other with an open heart and funnily enough, love what they see in each other beyond judgment. I am very lucky in many ways; I love what I do. But, most of all, I am grateful for those sincere eyes surrounding me every day. And this weekend, we went to a training trip to Adana, a city located by the Mediterranean Sea. I have never visited Adana before and honestly had no idea of what to expect. When we arrived in the late hours of this Friday, before I could get some sort of an insight about this city surrounding me, I suddenly found myself at the hotel bar. Apparently, once a week they held these salsa nights and we accidently checked in that exact night.
First of all, this was not the sight I was expecting from Adana. Yes, once more, life was reminding me not to be biased about anything in life. What kind of anticipation have I had about this city that this lively picture I found myself in had suddenly mesmerized me?
I have always liked salsa, the rhythm of this music type have always appealed to my soul. I generally love Latin culture; it’s music, food and mostly it’s people. Their lively, vibrant, happy, laidback and somewhat mischievous spirit and perspective towards life have always captivated me somehow. There was a phase that I have attended salsa classes in Los Angeles and have been to salsa clubs. With the company of my dearest friend Darren Ting, salsa has evermore been a joyful experience for me.
When you step into a salsa club, the first thing that strikes you is this vibrant energy generated by those bodies moving in harmony. The intensity of the love and respect they feel towards this music and dance oozes out from their body, enveloping even the passive spectators surrounding them. Their respect to what they are doing is so deep that, they handle their partner respectively. There is no evident personal agenda, no specific sexual interest but rather the consonance of those two souls surrendering to the tune of the music; as if they are celebrating life in their secret language. And usually when that specific voyage is over, they thank each other and move on to another to ask for a dance. The first time I was subject to this ritual, I was mesmerized by the innocence and the beauty of it. I had no idea if indeed this was the case in all the salsa clubs around the world, but was aware that I was witnessing an exceptional scene.
I have always loved communities, especially if those people did commune around a specific purpose, a hobby that relates to their soul. There is nothing like this; sharing the momentary delight you take out of what moves you, what you are passionate about in life.
And that day in Adana, I suddenly found myself cruising down the memory lane, daydreaming about my first salsa club experience in LA, and with admiration watching those bodies swaying to the rhythm of the music in front of me. They were captivatingly beautiful. The beauty I refer to here was not a physical beauty or how advanced they were in their dance. The beauty they carried was rather in the comfort they displayed while they conveyed their true self, with such self confidence and belongingness they felt towards their surrounding, towards each other and most of all, to themselves.
Everyone has their own rhythm, their own specific movement pattern that distinguishes one from the other in life. The music might be the same but the interpretation and the expression of it differs vastly from one to the other. What I was witnessing was a visual embodiment of what life really is. The creation is the same but how we perceive and decipher this reality varies from one to another, in line with our own nature and purpose in this life. We perceive, experience and convey ourselves distinctively. When one realizes this, it becomes meaningless to demand the same exact perspective from others towards life. It is merely almost impossible to perceive a specific situation exactly as the other; there will be diversifications due to our inherent being. And actually, that is what makes this life vibrant and pleasant. We are the colors of the rainbow, painting this magnificent picture called life.
Life, and most specifically relationships, is also a form of dance… a dance of two souls trying to find the perfect harmony and balance through life. And if we are lucky enough, we do end up finding those who hear the same tunes within this music, in the same frequency that our souls hear. As a result, our movements find life with ease and we float through life within this unity. Every step taken, every gesture finds its corresponding harmonious response. And those moments makes life worth living… to be seen, to be heard and perceived within our own reality… almost exactly as we were intended to be.
This is the journey that one sight in Adana took me to. We may look at the same picture and find it cheesy or weird; or be grateful once again, fascinated by the beauty and variety of colors presented in our lives. It is our decision. We may choose to see the beauty in everything and little by little expand our horizons every single day, and hopefully one day our eyes will capture nothing but the beauty in the creation surrounding us and that will set us free!

Ruhumuzun Ritmi

İnsan ne zaman ilhan geleceğini hesaplayamıyor, en beklenmedik yerlerde, hiç akla gelmeyen anlarda bizleri derinden etkileyebilecek olaylar karşımıza çıkabiliyor. Evet, yaşam öylesine mükemmel bir şey işte! Eğer gerçekten görmeyi arzu edersek, her an bir sürpriz, heyecan verici bir olay yaşam bulmak için beklemekte.
Geçtiğimiz hafta sonu beraber çalışmaktan sonsuz keyif aldığım ve gönülden sevdiğim iş arkadaşlarımla beraber eğitim almak üzere Adana’ya gittik. Sanırım ben sadece Türkiye şartlarında değil, genel yaşam şartlarında, benim yapımda bir insanın çalışabileceği en keyifli ortamda çalışma imkânına sahibim. İstanbul’un merkezinde yer alan küçük, butik bir ofiste çalışmaktayım. Camdan dışarı baktığımda içimi ısıtan ve her mevsim geçişinde bana yenilikler vaat ederek yaşamıma eşlik eden bir ağaçla günüme başlamaktayım. Etrafım sımsıcak, korkusuzca kendi olabilen, birbirini olduğu gibi kabul edebilen ve garip bir şekilde karşısında gördüğünü koşulsuz sevebilen insanlarla çevrili. Ben birçok açıdan çok şanslıyım! Yaptığım işi çok seviyorum. Ama her şeyden önce her gün bakmakta olduğum o içten gözler için minnet duyuyorum.
Geçtiğimiz hafta sonu, onların bir bölümü ile Adana’da eğitime gittik. Ben Adana’ya daha önce hiç gitmemiştim ve açıkçası ne beklemem gerektiğine dair ufacık bir fikrim bile yoktu. Cuma akşamı otele geç saatlerde vardığımızda, nasıl bir şehir olduğuna dair en ufak bir sezgim bile yokken kendimi otelin barında buldum. Sonradan öğrendiğimize göre, her hafta Cuma günleri barda salsa geceleri düzenleniyormuş ve bizde şans eseri o gece otele giriş yapmış bulunmaktaydık.
İlk olarak, itiraf etmem gerekir ki, Adana’dan hiç beklemediğim bir görüntü idi bu. Bir kez daha hayat ön yargılı olmamam gerektiğini hatırlatıyordu adeta. Hiç tanımadığım bu şehirden nasıl bir beklentim vardı ki bu çok renklilik beni böylesine hayrete düşürmüş ve adeta büyülemişti?
Ben salsa dansını çok severim, her zaman ruhuma hitap eden müzik türlerinden biri olmuştur. Zaten genel itibari ile Latin kültürüne, müziğine, yemeğine ve her şeyden çok insanına hayranlık beslerim. Hayat dolu, canlı, mutlu, rahat ve bir nebzede yaramaz yapıları ve yaşam tarzları beni bir şekilde hep etkilemiştir. Los Angeles’da yaşadığım yıllarda salsa derslerine katıldığım bir dönem olmuştu, hatta salsa kulüplerine bile giderdik. Çok sevgili arkadaşım Darren Ting’in eşliğinde salsa hep sonsuz keyifli bir yolculuk olmuştu benim için.
Salsa kulübüne adımınızı attığınız ilk anda dikkatinizi çeken, ahenk içinde dans eden bedenlerden aldığınız o güçlü enerji olur. Müziğe ve bu dans türüne duydukları sevgi ve saygı adeta vücutlarından dışarı sızmakta ve izleyenleri de içine çekmekte, kapsamaktadır. Yaptıkları dansa duydukları saygı öylesine derindir ki dansa kaldırdıkları kişiye de aynı saygı ile yaklaşırlar adeta. Kişisel bir çıkar yoktur, sadece müziğin ritmine teslim olmuş iki ruhun uyumu vardır artık, sanki kendi gizli lisanlarında hayatı kutlamaktadırlar. Ve genellikle, yolculuk sona erdiğinde aynı saygı ile sana teşekkür eder, başka birini dansa kaldırırlar.
Bu görsel şölene ilk tanık olduğumda güzelliği ve saflığı karşısında adeta büyülenmiştim. Dünyanın her yerinde yer alan salsa kulüplerinde böyle bir sistem var mı bilemiyordum, ama çok özel bir şeye tanıklık ettiğimin de farkındaydım.
Hep çok keyif aldım böyle ortamlardan. Zaten belirli bir amaç için, ruhlarına hitap eden bir hobi için bir araya gelmiş insanların paylaştığı enerjiden daha güzel bir şey yok bu dünyada… Beklentisiz, anlık alınan zevkin paylaşımından, tutkuyla bağlandığınız şeyden daha keyifli bir şey yok kanımca.
Ve işte o akşam Adana’da, kendimi anılarıma dalmış ve Los Angeles’da yaşamış olduğum tecrübenin hayaline kapılmış, önümdeki dansı hayranlıkla seyrederken buldum aniden yine. Dans edenler öylesine güzellerdi ki. Tiplerinden ya da nasıl dans ettiklerinden bahsetmiyorum. Kendilerini ifade etmekteki rahatlıklarından, özgüvenlerinden, bulundukları ortama, müziğe, dansa, grup olarak birbirlerine ve her şeyden önce kendilerine hissettikleri aidiyet duygusunun yansımasından bahsediyorum.
Herkesin kendine has ritmi, diğerlerinden ayıran belirli hareket kalıpları var hayatta. Müzik aynı olabilir ama duyulan müziğin algısı ve ifadesi kişiden kişiye farklılık göstermektedir. Ansızın hayatın bedende ifade bulmuş haline tanıklık etmekte olduğumu hissettim. Yaşam aynı olmakla beraber, kendi yaradılış özelliklerimiz ve hayata geliş amaçlarımız doğrultusunda, hayatı nasıl algıladığımız ve yorumladığımız da farklılık göstermekte. Yaşamın özü aslında aynı olsa da, hepimiz kendi gerçeğimizi kendi uyarladığımız, anladığımız şekilde ifade etmekteyiz. Bunun farkına vardığımızda, başkalarından da hayata aynı bakış açısından bakmasını beklemek manasız kalıyor bu durumda. Aynı olayı birebir aynı şekilde algılamamız mümkün değil, yaradılış özelliklerimize göre farklılıkların var olması kaçınılmaz. Ve aslında, hayatı renkli ve güzel kılan da bu çok renklilik.
Hayat, özelliklede yaşadığımız ilişkilerimizde aslında bir nevi dans. Ve aynen orada olduğu gibi, eğer şanslıysak arada bir müziği bizim duyduğumuz tonlarda duyan, bizim ruhumuzun duyduğu frekansta duyabilen insanlarla karşılaşabiliyoruz. Ve böylece, aynı dansta da olduğu gibi, hareketler zorlama olmaktan çıkıyor ve birlik içinde ahenkle süzülmeye başlıyoruz hayatta. Atılan her adım, yapılan her jest karşılığını buluyor bir şekilde. Ve işte bu anlar hayatı yaşanılır ve vazgeçilmez kılıyor bir nevi; görülmek, duyulmak, ve kendi gerçeğimizle algılanıp kabul edilmek…. Neredeyse hayata gerçekten geliş amacımızı yaşıyorcasına özgür olmak.
Adana seyahatim beni işte böylesine hiç beklenmedik bir içsel yolculuğa çıkarttı bu hafta sonu. Hepimiz aynı resme bakıp ya onu banal ya da garip diye de adlandırabiliriz, ya da bir kez daha onları izleyip hayattaki kendilerini ifade ediş dillerinin farklılığı ve güzelliği karşısında hayata ve yaratana saygı duyabiliriz. Karar bize kalıyor. Her şeyin içindeki güzelliği görmeye odaklanabilirsek eğer, belki bir gün gözlerimiz bizi çevreleyen yaradılışın güzelliği dışında başka hiçbir şeyi görmemeye başlar ve özgürlüğe kavuşuruz!
Los Angeles/San Franscisco

October 30, 2014

Turkish/Türkçe

If I am going to live abroad someday, from the bottom of my heart I know that California will be my home. I am in awe with the rhythm, nature and the colors of this state. I feel at ease with the serene and laid back lifestyle it offers, as if life has been paused and days are passing by in slow motion. The years I have spent there surely had an impact on this idea. California is the place where I have started to confront myself in search for my own reality, my true self. It is the place where I have started to fall in love with myself, embarked on a journey to accept myself completely. My LA years lit a candle that has been burning within me, guiding my way on this very bumpy, challenging yet amazing road called life.
And if I did decide to go back and live there again, which city would it be? Now that I have grown up and became a different version of myself, which city would I be now?
In my heart, if Los Angeles represents the spring, then San Francisco carries the qualities of fall.
Spring delivers the promises of LA. A dreamy land made up of pastel colors, life filled with enthusiasm, happiness, lightness, renewal, change, flow and serenity. It promises a leisurely pleasant life style, reminding me of the youthfulness and staying young at heart, somehow manifesting as a passionate lover in our lives. My love for spring is like the hunger I feel for LA; uninterrupted and wholeheartedly. It is almost as if I am embracing my true self, feeling the joy of life in my veins.
San Francisco is the slightly melancholic and vicious sister of spring. It hosts transition, with a calm revolt in its nature. It aims to silently prepare us for the coming season. While my heart starts to calm down adapting to the routine of this season, with no specific reason, suddenly sadness captures me. It is not a renouncement, but rather a tranquil transition, just like the changing colors of the nature surrounding me. San Francisco is somehow like a calm, compassionate lover. There is this longing for what if’s and unlived stories in its nature.
My nature is just like Los Angeles, feeling alive is what feeds my soul, maintaining a constant happy state is my ambition. I aim to live the life with love, filled with love, shared in the name of love. But, no matter who I am at the core, one part of me is aching for San Francisco, with nostalgia reconnecting to its routes, grounding somehow.
Opposite values surfaces as my current topic one more time here, somehow supporting each other in spite of all its contradictions, and becomes an inseparable part of my life. When I look around me, I see that in most of the relationships people do wind up with someone who is just the opposite of them. It has been a while that I have been contemplating on this thought; Why do the opposites attract each other? What kind of a relationship would it have been if we were in a relationship that two beings were somehow similar? I am not talking about the perception of life; we do need to gaze at life from the same perspective to move on in life together. But rather it’s our personalities that are somehow contradicting. And finally, I decided that this is human nature, our purpose in this life somehow. In our romantic relationships we tend to choose those who challenge us, push our buttons, and urge us to take those steps into our fears. We tend to choose those who contradict but still complement us somehow. Just like one may love to run, find comfort in the adrenaline that the body pumps during this highly physical workout, the other might be drawn into yoga, feeling bliss in the awareness of their actions. While one may be rational, more grounded in the world we live in, the other might choose to be guided by his/her intuitions and be in an ethereal state. We find balance in life this way, somehow, expand our horizon, and test our limits.
We do preserve these opposite values within our souls also. The contradictions within our soul encourage our growth, providing the courage needed to surpass our fears. Just as I am in love with those opposite yet complementary seasons, I love life as is, completely. There is balance in the creation and we encompass a little bit of everything in life within our nature. It is the harmony of the diversity that makes life exceptional somehow.
And once we know, deeply acknowledge that we are living a life we have chosen to live, life blossoms and from time to time starts presenting our dreams as our own reality. We step into manifesting our own reality and the journey we are on starts finding a new meaning this way! A life worth living for, in spite of and because of those contradictory and yet complementing values in our lives.

Los Angeles/San Francisco

Yaşayacaksam eğer bir gün yurtdışında, evimin California olacağı konusunda hiç şüphem yok. California’nın genel ritmine, doğasına, renklerine, sanki hayat durmuşçasına sakin ve kaygısız yaşamına hayranım oldum olası. O bölgede geçirmiş olduğum senelerin de etkisi var tabi bunda. Kendimle, öz’ümle yüzleşmeye başladığım yer California ne de olsa. Kendime âşık olmaya, benliğimi olduğu gibi kabul etmeye başladığım yolculuğun çıkış noktası Los Angeles. Orada geçen yıllarım önüme çıkan zorluklarla başa çıkabilmem üzere ışık tutmakta yoluma halen daha.
Ve eğer, tekrar California’da yaşamaya karar verirsem hangi şehirde yaşardım acaba? Aradan yıllar geçmiş ve kendimin başka bir versiyonunu hayata geçirmişken, şimdiki ben hangi şehri seçerdi acaba?
Los Angeles ilkbahar ise, San Francisco’da sonbahardır benim için. Ben baharları çok severim, en çok da ilkbaharı… Los Angeles’in vaatlerini müjdeler bana. Pastel tonları, heyecanı, mutluluğu, hafifliği, yenilikleri, değişimi, akışı, heyecanla karışık huzuru, telaşsız ama neşe dolu bir hayatı… Gençliği ve hep genç kalmayı, tutku dolu aşkı anımsatır bana. Ben ilkbaharı Los Angeles’i sevdiğim gibi severim, kesiksiz, kalpten, özüme sımsıkı sarılırcasına, gençliği ve hayatı damarlarımda her daim hissedercesine.
San Francisco ise sonbahardır gönlümde. Mevsimlerin hafif hüzünlü ama bir o kadar hırçın yüzü. Geçişi barındırır içinde, sakin bir başkaldırı vardır. Amacı, kara kışa sakince hazırlamaktır bizi. Ruhumun kıpırtılarını dinginliğe ve rutine çekerken, sebepsiz bir hüzün kaplar içimi. Renkler solmaya başlar ama bir vazgeçme değildir bu, sessizce bir geçiştir. Doğanın renk ve kabuk değiştirmesidir bir nevi. San Francisco melankoliktir, şefkat dolu bir âşıktır. Yaşanmamışlıklara, yaşanamamışlıklara bir özlem vardır ruhunda.
Ben Los Angeles’im özümde, kıpır kıpır ve hayat dolu olmaktır beni besleyen, mutluluğu daim kılmaktır amacım… Hayatı dopdolu ve sevgiyle yaşamak tek umudum. Ama inkâr etsem de bir tarafım San Francisco sevdalısı, hasret ile bağlarını hatırlıyor, topraklanıyor bir nevi.
Karşıt değerler burada da karşıma çıkıyor ve tüm çelişkilerine karşın, birbirlerini beslerken vazgeçilmez oluyorlar benim için. Etrafımdaki ilişkilere bakıyorum da, hep bir şekilde oldukça farklı karakterler birbirlerini buluyorlar. Uzun zamandır bu konuya kafa yormaktayım aslında. Neden karşıt değerler birbirlerini çekiyor? Kendimizinkine benzer karakterde biri ile beraber olsaydık nasıl bir ilişki yaşıyor olurduk acaba? Hayata baktığımız açıdan bahsetmiyorum burada, hayatta beraber yol alabilmek için aynı pencereden bakmamız gerektiği aşikâr. Bahsettiğim daha çok karakterlerin çelişkide olması burada. Etrafımdaki neredeyse her ilişkide öylesine zıt karakterler bir araya gelmiş ki, sonunda bunun insan doğasından kaynaklandığı ve hayata geliş amacımız olduğu konusunda kanaat getirdim. Bir şekilde kişisel gelişimimizde bizi zorlayacak, normalde atmaya korktuğumuz adımları attıracak, kendi kişiliğimizden farklı kişileri hayat eşi olarak çekme eğilimi gösteriyoruz. Nasıl biri koşmayı seviyorsa, vücudunun koşu esnasında salgıladığı adrenalinde huzur buluyorsa, bir diğerinin ruhunu yoga çağırıyor, mutluluğu hareketlerinin farkındalığında bulabiliyor olabiliyor. Biri daha rasyonel yapıya sahip ve dünyevi konulara daha meraklı olurken, öbürü hayatı sezgileri ile yaşamayı ve daha ruhani bir yolda yol almayı seçmiş olabiliyor. Hayatta dengeyi buluyoruz bir şekilde belki de böylece. Ufkumuz genişliyor, kendi sınırlarımızı test ediyoruz bir nevi.
Hepimiz böylesine karşıt değerleri ruhumuzda ve özümüzde de barındırıyoruz aslında. Kendi içimizdeki çelişkiler gelişimimizi destekliyor, korkularımızı aşmamızı sağlıyor bir nevi. Aynı birbirine zıt ama bir o kadar birbirini tamamlayan mevsime olan sevgim gibi, hayatı da olduğu gibi kabul ediyor ve seviyorum. Evren bir şekilde denge üzerine kurulmuş bu hayatta ve bizlerde hayatın değişik katmanlarından birer parça barındırıyoruz içimizde. Bir nevi, farklılıkların uyumlu beraberliği hayatı vazgeçilmez kılan.
Seçmiş olduğumuz hayatları yaşamakta olduğumuz bilincine vardığımızda ise hayat bir çiçek gibi açılmaya başlıyor ve zaman zamanda olsa hayallerinin gerçek olmaya başladığına tanık oluyorsun… Kendi gerçeğini, hayatını kendin yaratmaya başlıyorsun adım adım ve yolculuk yepyeni bir anlam taşımaya başlıyor böylece! Hayatındaki tüm karşıt değerlere rağmen ve belki de biraz onlar sayesinde yaşamaya değer, dopdolu bir hayat!

Team Istrunbul, Bebek, Istanbul[/captio
Anger

October 17, 2014

I have an unaddressed anger in me now.
Not everyday is the same.
So today, I accept the dark side of me.
While I observe these feelings,
I already know their origins;
Those expectations within me!
I know I can’t win this fight with you.
Just wait and observe and let it melt.
No words, no tears… Just wait.
The source is me,
they all scratch a scar that I carry.
Now I know,
unless I attend those scars,
the sadness will be my company.
So I observe.
Try to differentiate what is actually mine,
from what was imposed upon me.
Then I let go of those borrowed,
Come what may and I stand still.
With an accepting gratitude in my heart,
change myself to be free.
Never lose the fun!

October 16, 2014

Never lose the fun in doing something.
When we commit to something, whatever that may be, if that becomes a routine, a necessity in our lives, we tend to forget why we have decided to do it in the first place. We lose the spark which initiated that love, we let go of the enthusiasm that made us choose that particular path.
This morning, after a long while, we woke up really early in the morning once again and head down to the sea side, to meet up with our running group. When we did arrive, they have already taken off. So my husband immediately started running to catch up with them.
My plan for this morning was to take it slow. I have sprained my ankle almost a year ago, of which it turned into a stress fracture after a while … Since then I have stopped running for almost 9 months, with small trials in between, of which all ended with slight pain and swellings. Today, my intention, due to my doctor’s orders, was to test my new sole mould just by walking for a couple of days. But, could I refrain myself from running? Oh, well…. Nope!
When I breathed that morning freshness of Istanbul into my lungs, I felt this immense lightness and love with that familiar feeling I have missed so much… And, I did run. Don’t get me wrong, I was calm and listening to my body, ready to attend even to a tiny sign of pain that may show up. But, it was a smooth ride and I chose to keep on running till the end. During the run, this phrase popped up in my mind. “Never lose the fun in doing something.”
Lately phrases have been just finding life in my soul and I literally have to put my life on hold and take a note somewhere so that I could refer to it later on… Just to contemplate on that thought further and in some cases, share them with the others.
And, on this particular moment I have realized that, the joy and fun of what we are doing only finds life in the present moment. If we have worries and anxieties of how we are going to do it or what happens if we don’t meet that expectation, that’s what keeps us down.
Today, once more, I have remembered what I have loved about running and savored every single moment of it. The empty, quiet streets of this amazing yet hectic city. The lingering lights reflecting on the most captivating scene of the Bosporus. Breathing and feeling alive, saying “good morning” to the smiling eyes that have become an inseparable part of my life… The lightness of just living on this amazing planet and welcoming one more day with lightness in my heart. A day full of promises and wonders.
Be present in everything that you do and remember what it means to you. From the simplest actions to the life altering decisions… Put your awareness into it. If you are eating an apple, remember why you have bought that apple and took a bite into it… Pay attention to the pleasure of that one single bite while that juicy nectar lingers in your mouth.
Remember why you have chosen your specific partner to be with in this lifeline. Try to hold on to that initial spark, that feeling they have implemented into you, all through your journey. Remember why you have decided to have your daughter. Leave your expectations and your worries for her wellbeing and just look into her eyes, celebrate her decision to come to you. Spend time with your loved ones just because it uplifts you and life couldn’t be any better than this. Enjoy every action and moment of your life as it is your doing. Make space in life to remember from time to time and expand, celebrate life as it is today, at this moment in time.

Team Istrunbul
One Million Arm

October 12, 2014

TTonight I have watched “One Million Arm “and my God, what a blast it has been.
It’s been a bliss full day anyway, may be that had an effect on how I perceived the movie.
In the morning I got up late, around 8 o’clock. I have spent some time with my daughter. My husband has been gone to fishing that early morning at the Bosporus and apparently have caught blue fish which we did enjoy with a couple friends tonight. A feast it has been.
So, anyhow, then she went to drama class and I spent quality time alone at my home. After her class, we went and had her ears pierced. It was a remarkable day for her also, she had her ears pierced! Once of a life time memory was carved in her heart and that will always be her first. I saw this in her eyes today; she was so happy and proud of her self. After a mother daughter quality lunch time, she went to volleyball with dad and I went to the European side to attend the first initiation yoga practice of Cihangir Yoga’s 3. Studio in Istanbul; Cihangir Yoga Cadde. It was magical and light and deep and refreshing. One of my best yoga sessions in a while, reminding me of why my heart and soul was set on yoga, once again. Surrounded by smiling, loving, non judgmental eyes. What more can one ask for in life?
For dinner we had very close friends in our house, had a beautiful and a delicious dinner.
And now are watching this amazing movie. It’s a must watch movie, in which India and Indian culture has been portrayed in such reality and sensibility. Expressing the good, loving, humorous and naive characteristics with such delicacy and openness. I don’t want to spoil it for you, so go and watch it. Immediately! It’s a real life story of joy and happiness, belief, hope and humanity. Pure and real. You are going to love it and feel it your heart. Enjoy it. Have a good day!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEtNIoPxcq8
Journey

October 8, 2014

Turkish/Türkçe

I am a believer, and when I believe in something, especially if I am surrounded in an environment that I get to express and be myself freely, I find myself in conversations where I would be whole heartedly promoting that thing (whatever it is at that point in time) to the other.
I love to talk about the things that I am passionate about. And until I sell that idea to the other, somehow convince that it is something to contemplate on; I keep on talking about it; sometimes in subtle forms and sometimes up front, depending on the situation, the place and the person. Sometimes I need to be really patient, loving and consistent as that phrase in time might not be their moment to hear and make it their reality yet. I am proud to say that (years have proved it to me), even if it takes me years to make my point clear, at the end I convince them, make them see my point of view. May be it is not me exactly convincing them, life presents them an opportunity when they are ready and there is nothing else they could do but feel it at that point in time. And I would just be there to point them to the direction, consistently whispering into their ear from time to time.
Consistency and belief accompany me in this journey of mine. And, therefore, there have been friends over the years, who have advised me that if there is one thing I should do on this earth, I should sell an idea that I believe in.
The only downside is, I whole heartedly have to believe in the beauty of that thing at that point in time, otherwise, I couldn’t utter a single word about it. I could only talk this passionately about something that is a part of my life, which is somehow the essence of my life.
And for years, I have contemplated on this piece of advice, how I would interpret this into my life. What was it that I would so deeply believe in and find worth selling and convincing the other of its value? What could I have offered to people from me that they would be willingly taking it from me? What was it that I found precious within me that’s worth sharing with the world? With all these in mind, there was one truth in my heart that, whatever I was going to do in this life, I would be truly in love with it and “love” would lead my way.
And this weekend I have realized that, it’s been some time that I have already set on my journey, started promoting the one thing I deeply believed in… On my path to self exploration, with each step I took into fearlessly manifesting my reality in this world…. I found myself talking about my path, the only truth that I believe in; the path of love, awakening and awareness. And funnily enough, I have been doing this for many years without knowing it or naming it. Apparently, the process took place on its own. As a result of many years of practice as my soul has started to experience its reality, my heart started to expand and it has been inevitable to share my experiences and thoughts with the others. Therefore, the bargain has started.
I now know that what I want to offer to the world is what I believe in with all my heart; which this life bestowed upon us, is worth living for. That non judgmental happiness, with no expectations… happiness in its true sense is a reality and a choice.
This is no any ordinary barter. My satisfaction comes from this feeling I have inside, being able to touch the lives of people, be a simple light in their lives just uplifts me beyond explanation. Mine is an emotional reward, there is no payback like this in anything. It’s the change of spark in people’s eyes.
With one small tiny sincere touch, heart is always ready to open up and realize its truth, even for a tiny second. And that is all I live for, to touch, to inspire with just being, living this human life as awake and as light as I could, given all the circumstances that I live in.
There is this story that I love and truly believe in. Since the day I have read it, it has been my insightful motto.
“Once upon a time, there was an old man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach every morning before he began his work. Early one morning, he was walking along the shore after a big storm had passed and found the vast beach littered with starfish as far as the eye could see, stretching in both directions.
Off in the distance, the old man noticed a small boy approaching. As the boy walked, he paused every so often and as he grew closer, the man could see that he was occasionally bending down to pick up an object and throw it into the sea. The boy came closer still and the man called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”
The young boy paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean. The tide has washed them up onto the beach and they can’t return to the sea by themselves,” the youth replied. “When the sun gets high, they will die, unless I throw them back into the water.”
The old man replied, “But there must be tens of thousands of starfish on this beach. I’m afraid you won’t really be able to make much of a difference.”
The boy bent down, picked up yet another starfish and threw it as far as he could into the ocean. Then he turned, smiled and said, “It made a difference to that one!””
And just like that little boy, I do believe there is no small deed. Every action of goodness we do will pay itself forward in some way or another.
And, I know I am here to sell the idea of happiness, to prove its tangible validity if you choose to see. This will be my path as long as this feeling keeps on feeding my soul. If I could be a vessel to a change in one single soul’s life that day, my life serves its purpose fully. And one more time gratefulness captures me; gratefulness for the body I came into, for my family, for the being that I am today. That I am living on this earth today… That I have chosen to live a life that perceived beauty in everything.
One more time I am grateful today that I get to experience myself freely and truly as I was intended to be.

Yolculuk

Kendimi özgürce yaşadığım ortamlarda nedense bir noktada inandığım bir şeyi bir arkadaşıma anlatırken bulurum. Tutku ile bağlandığım olguyu, olayı, yeri anlatmaktan sonsuz keyif almakla beraber, biliyorum ki fikri satana kadar da çalışmalarıma kimi zaman çok bariz, kimi zaman sakince devam etmekten de kendimi alı koyamıyorum. Ve bunu da gururla söyleyebilirim ki, çoğu zaman o gün olmasa bile, bazen yıllarımı alsa bile fikri satabildiğimi görüyorum.
Burada, istikrar ve inanç bana yol arkadaşlığı yapıyor. Bu sebeple, beni tanıyanlar, eğer bir iş yapacaksam çok inandığım bir şeyi satmamı önerirlerdi. Kalbimle inanırım anlattığım şeyin gerçek güzelliğine, inanmazsam zaten hakkında konuşmak bile istemem. Ama inandığım olguda zaten hayatımın bir parçasıdır, kendisidir bir nevi.
Bende bu tavsiyeyi nasıl iş hayatına çevirebileceğimi düşündüm durdum senelerdir. Ne vardı böylesine severek savunabileceğim ve satmaya değer bulabileceğim. İnsanlara kendimden ne sunabilirdim ki ilk olarak ben inanarak anlatabileyim ve onlarda sorgusuz alsınlar benden. Benim böylesine her daim derinden inandığım ve paylaşılmaya değer bulduğum neyim vardı. Ancak, inandığım tek bir gerçek vardı hep, her ne yapacaksam, yaptığım işe sevdalı olacaktım.
Ve bu hafta sonu farkına vardım ki, ben zaten aktarmaya başlamışım inandığım şeyi. Kendim olma yolunda, kendimi korkusuzca yaşama yolunda attığım adımlar sonunda ben mutluluğu, uyanmayı, farkındalığı anlatmaya karar vermiş ve başlamışım bile çoktan. Farkında olmadan gelişmiş bu süreç, ruhum açıldıkça, kalbim büyüdükçe yaşanmışlıkları paylaşmak zaruri olmuş benim için ve alış veriş başlamış böylece. Gönülden inandığım ve yaşamaya değer verdiğim şeyin, insanlara sunmak istediğim şeyin mutluluk, gerçek ve sorgusuz mutluluk olduğunu biliyorum artık.
Farklı bir alışveriş şekli bu. İnsanlara bir an için ufacık bile dokunuyor olabilmek, hayatlarında ihtiyaç duydukları o anda bir nebze de olsa ruhlarındaki ışık olabilirsem benim için yeterli bile. Benimki duygusal bir alışveriş, hiçbir başka işin bu oranda tatmin sağlayabileceğini sanmıyorum benim için. Bir insanın gözündeki ışıltının değişimine tanık olmak beni mutlu eden. Kalp, ufak içten bir dokunuşla uyanışa geçmeye ve kendi gerçeğini hayata geçirmeye her zaman hazır. Ve ben sadece bu ışıltıyı görebilmek için, uzanıp dokunabileceği el olabilmek için dünyada olduğumu biliyorum. Bu hayatı bana sunulan şartlar dâhilinde, elimden geldiğince uyanık ve hafif yaşamak ruhuma olan görevim.
Ben sevgiyi satmaya, dağıtmaya, varlığının fiziksel olabildiğine kanıtlamaya geldim, en azından bugün için gerçeğim bu. Ve bu his beni besledikçe, yolumun bu olduğunu da bileceğim. Ve bir kez daha minnettarlık kaplıyor her yanımı, geldiğim beden, ailem, çevrem ve olduğum varlık için… Bugün dünyada yaşıyor olduğum için… Her şeye rağmen güzeli görmeye adanmış bir hayatı yaşamayı seçmiş olduğum için.
Bir kez daha minnettarım bugün, kendim olabildiğim için.
Opposite values

October 6, 2014

My days here pass within slow pace and harmony.
Yesterday we literally had honeymoon with my daughter; we had lunch together with couple of friends, and then head home for some housework, while she did her homework. I did my favorite house activity and hang the wet washed clothes on the drying rack at the back garden. Sunlight softly infiltrating down from the branches of the trees surrounding the garden. It’s a heavenly spot and just to be able to be there to hang those clothes is such a joy for me, and so, that’s what I have decided to do.
Then we sat by the table and dedicated an hour to handicraft, a form of meditation for our souls, quality time spent together in action and devotion to our work at hand.
When the bracelets were done and adored, we jumped on our bikes and head off to a 4,5km village track for biking, which ended up in 2 laps and 9km of nature watching, working out and playing. We enjoyed the time spent with such ease and joy that, it was a memorable ride for both of us.
In the meantime, I found myself telling her a story, an awareness that has dawned upon me at that exact moment. Actually, this conversation has been done years ago, with my sister, in Los Angeles at a hiking we have done in the forest. And here I was, years later telling the same story that was rising within me once again to my daughter this time; of nature and life.
While we were biking, she would face up to a challenge of a hill training that in the beginning used to be something she could hardly deliver, but now she bared with no fear. But then again, there came some routes that the ride was smooth and easy and she would built up her energy and enjoy the ride, getting ready for the next challenge to bear.
And I told her “Look darling, life is the same as this road we are riding on. In life, there are smooth rides, where the road is slightly down slope, and you don’t have to do much, but enjoy the ride. Life works in mysteries ways and the ride will not always be as easy. There will come times that you have to face up hills that will be challenging. They will be killing your leg muscles and you would feel so exhausted and tired that you just might want out, stop and not move an inch. Don’t ever give up because there will come a time that the downhill steep will be so deep that you might choose to let go. Just open your legs and arms and let the wind guide you, totally surrender in your heart to the rhythm of the world. ”
Also in life, there will be days that you will feel as if you are on a fantastic rollercoaster and your adreline will be so high. This highness will keep you alive, fresh and wondrous. Just like those hard times in life, there will be days that the feeling of freedom will capture you and awaken every muscle and bone, expand your heart.
Always keep in mind that, just like the nature with its hills and valleys, seasons, days and nights, yin and yang…. there will always be opposite values that complement each other in your life, in every aspect.
Life was built this way, to challenge us, to remind us that nature itself is a shift in between these opposite yet complimentary values. It makes this world we live in and being an human being on this world an exceptional journey.
The excitement is in the duality. The awareness of this duality and the expression of that in real life is a step into awakening. A step into surrendering to the ultimate truth of the reality, and floating through life.
That’s what life is intended to be. Shift your awareness and your life will change with you. Live your day to your fullest with all your heart!

Gokova, Turkey
Escape

October 5, 2014

I am on a vacation, practically in heaven. At least, for a soul like me, this is all my heart desires. I am enjoying every single moment I have on this secluded paradise, located in a town by the Aegean Sea in Turkey. My escape is this small seaside village of this town, whose main income is generated through farming and agriculture. Within this village, there lays a sub-village composed of somewhat 50 townhouses.
The inhabitants of the farmlands are naive and real. It somehow feels as if you are back to your roots, to a time before you too have been polluted with the big city and its mesmerizing lights, the life that it offers.
The pace of life within this village is in synch with Mother Nature’s terms. Everybody wakes up with the nature, no matter if you are one the farmers or one of us.
We are the dwellers who reside in those 50 townhouses. We are from the big cities, and have been escaping from that life into this village for the last five decades. We all know each other since our childhood years, and even though most of us have lost touch over the years, we all somehow, from time to time find ourselves within this preserved land untouched by the information age’s burden on our souls.
It feels “light” to be able to live here, even for the shortest time. Knowing that this place really exists just calms my heart, and this feeling of safety captures my soul. I feel that never dying hope deep in my veins. My faith for the goodness of humanity flourishes even more.
And now, I also see the lightness of freedom in my daughter’s eyes. She feels so independent and safe here that she gets to experience herself truly and openly, just like I did when I was in her age. This amazing land promises that freedom in its nature.
Today, when we were leaving the local cafe by the seaside to head back to home and spend quality time with my daughter, we came across with this friend. Actually, she is a friend’s friend and we don’t know each other that well.
During our conversation, she said that it’s been too hectic and the life she has left in the city was so busy these days that she felt exhausted. While she was elaborating on her duties in the city, I realized that although her body was here, with me in the village, she was still in the city. Her biological clock was set to the city pace. She has been there for a while and you could feel city oozing out of her skin. Although her body was surrounded by this magical land, her mind was still stuck in the city and the responsibilities it carried with it.
I humbly recommended her to sit down with a glass of beer and just watch and listen the sound of the nature surrounding her, for a couple of minutes. Quietly just be present briefly and hopefully then her mind could reach where her soul already is. And maybe then, she could tune in with the pace of this village and its surrounding nature.
Funnily enough, I saw her in that afternoon and she said she did as I have suggested and she was so thankful for my advice. That stillness did indeed carried her to the present moment and I could see that she was much calmer now.
And you know what; I feel so blessed most of the time as I know and I believe that the world as we know is changing, slowly and surely. The awakening has started! Every day, I come across with so many souls that with one single word I know that they know and that they are on the path to knowledge. Just one small touch, one little gesture and we start to experience the reality.
We are not alone. Like me, if you also stupidly believe in the goodness and in life, in humanity… If you are also in love with your life, yourself, everything that has been offered to you… You are not alone! Slowly and gradually we are all waking up. I see and feel that every day, in every sparkling eye I look into. No matter how skeptic or lost some might feel sometimes, I see that light in their eyes. If you scratch the surface there is that need, that desire to know, to belong, to love and be loved regardless of all that outer layer we tend to carry on us as a burden on our shoulders… there is beauty everywhere. We are waking up from our sleep, realizing what we really are… That we are made of love.
And nature… It has most of the answers to our questions, eagerly waiting to reveal them when needed. I am ultimately grateful for its patience and the unconditional love it offers everyday to its inhabitants. And now, I am off to enjoy whatever little time I have left in this land. Have a nice weekend.
Namaste!
Complete… Complement

September 22, 2014

Everything in this world becomes true and active through your perception. Once you shift your perception, your world and your reality follows it, no matter if you like it or not.
During this realization process, my focus has shifted to words. Yes… I do love words. They not only inspire me but also are the easiest and common form of communication with others. Although it is seems like the easiest form of communication, it still is the most delicate and direct form of communication. So, we do need to express ourselves clearly, and try to choose our words wisely. Not only what we say but also how we say that, how we communicate that specific feeling is also very crucial. But unfortunately, that takes a special kind of practice and understanding. “How” becomes activated once we are purified from our expectations from the other and break free from the delusions of our ego. No matter how delicate we are with our words, sometimes, especially while in communication with our close friends and family, (as they are the ones who are somehow able to find and push those hidden buttons within us, funnily enough, with almost no effort at all) the form of our communication is jeopardized with expectations and feelings. Accepting, dealing and shifting this realization require practice and effort. So, in this process, I have decided to work with more tangible things like; words. I have started to take negative words out of my life, changing my perspective towards those words and replacing them with expanding and more enveloping words instead.
Since my teenage years, may be because we were programmed to think that way through our childhood, or maybe it’s been what our souls have been yearning for, or because we simply desire to find a bigger meaning of life in a bigger picture; I have been dying to find my other half that would complete me. Yes, may be, it’s a cliché but most of the girls in this world, no matter where we are from or which circumstances we have been brought up to… most of us has that desire to find that missing part and fill that space with another being that is just right for us. We choose to believe that someone would enter into our lives to complete us and from then on we would live happily ever after.
Life is not designed that way and while we are growing up, we realize that there is no happily ever after… unless we decide to live happiness with ourselves, within ourselves.
Most of my sufferings in my relationships were as a result of this desire; to be completed. When I look at all past relationships, the most uplifting and unforgettable ones were the ones that required no specific form of communication, which we were in contact on a more spiritual level and were mesmerized by the feeling of oneness, pure appreciation of each other. At that level there is no you or me but a complete harmony and acceptance. There is no more agitation or desire to be completed, as wholeness becomes our own reality. And I realized that, while my major sufferings in the relationships were because of my silent expectations and my need to be somehow feel that wholeness with another being, the most peaceful relationships I have had were the ones that this desire ceased to exist.
So, I started shifting the meaning of the word “complete” within me, replacing it with a more inspiring, uplifting, universal version of that word which allows acceptance and surrender in my heart. “Complete” shifted into a calmer version of “complement”.
Complement still preserves the completeness in itself. But it not only completes the other, yet makes it better and perfect. There is no more desire for someone to complete you, there is no need or demand from that significant other anymore, and it becomes a journey that could only be taken with a mutual decision and will. Once you complement each other, you make that conscious decision to walk the path together. Guiding each other in their inner journey, shedding a light into their darkness when needed, inspiring them to manifest and live their own truth. It provides the freedom of being your true self with no judgments or expectations, while ensuring the same terms for the other. This becomes a journey worth taking no matter where that path takes you to. No matter how short or long these relationships last, they are the ones that feed your soul, and they are never really over. They live with you all through your life, and when needed, you will feel their hands holding yours, feeding you courage and reason to move on. These relationships are like a never ending story, carried in your heart for forever with love. Once you know and feel this in your bones, there is no reason to cling on to your relationship. Deep inside, in your core… you simply know that it is real and you blossom together, side by side, each on your own path… fingers touching time to time, holding hand sometimes but simply growing together with love.

Greek ıslands
Love

September 18, 2014

For as long as I know myself, as long as I remember … I have a tendency to tell my loved ones that I love them. Out loud and whenever this feeling rises within me. That feeling of wholeness surrounds me and I have no other than those three little words which sums it all up in the most simple and complete form. “I love you”. It’s a prayer not for what I want from life but for what I have today, what life has offered to me today, in this moment that I am breathing. It’s not a yearning but just a simple act of my heart expanding, pure appreciation of what has been granted to me as a human being on this planet.

I believe life is too short and I personally don’t have any idea when and if I will be able to tell those people what they mean to me, so, when the opportunity presents itself, I choose to sieze it.

“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do get to say who hurts you, and I like my choices.” This is a phrase from the movie “The Fault In Our Stars” adopted from a novel by John Green. And while I was watching it the other day, the phrase just sank into my soul.

We do fall in love and we do get hurt sometimes. But do not forget that loving is the most selfish act of a being which also inspires and grows us. We do not love to be loved in return or because we will benefit from it in the end. We just love as it is the state of being we are in at that moment in life, and, because there is no other option. And you know what, we do get hurt sometimes. But, never forget that we have chosen to love those people, it was our uncontrollable decision somehow to do so. That we have surrendered to love and in return felt alive in our bones, that we were unquestionably present in those precious moments and that feeling of “love” was our reality.

Love is the only truths in this life, so if you are fortunate enough to be surrounded with the people that you truly love, no matter what the outcome may be, cherish that feeling and love! Love like there is no tomorrow and say it out loud with no fear or expectation … Live now!