expectations

One of my struggles for the last few years has been about the concept of “expectations”. I used to think that my actions took place with no expectation at all, of which I was acting with the mere idea of doing it, that I had to act that way because it made me feel good. I thought I was not expecting much in return but what I didn’t realize was that, my expectations were in a more subtle form. It was not to get a physical payback of some sort, but rather the acknowledgement and the appreciation of my behaviors.

Although I choose to believe that these paybacks were somewhat the replies that I did deserve, at one point, I had to face the ugly reality that this need for appreciation, understanding, and empathy was weighing me down. Nobody is going to give us what we need unless we turn back and look at ourselves… With no judgment, accept the being that we are, as is.

My tool for this realization has been through yoga. There is no competition in yoga… Your only rival is yourself and you cannot evolve, go further unless you accept your limitations. Respect them and slowly test your limits with that awareness. This awareness has shifted in me during my teachers training. Within this process, in time, I have started not to expect anything more than my body can deliver, but instead just be present and listen to my body. Give my 100 percent in the action as not the outcome but the feeling of the motion uplifted me, keeping me in the moment, now, where my body is grounded, diving into a deeper understanding of where I stand on this earth. The fight within my being has somehow diminished and the postures slowly found life within my body.

Then I realized that the same questioning was valid in my daily life… Getting to know myself has made me realize that I love to give in life. No matter if the person in question appreciated my action or not, I was going to offer something from me any way. That is what uplifts me. The real question is to what extend we should be willing to give. Where do we draw the line?

My wise teacher/friend has once told us that “you should give out as much as you take in”. Finding sources that you could be yourself and experiencing your truth freely feeds you and then you start to give more in life, to life. So, my guess would be, as long as you are in touch with your true self, hopefully one could be aware of this thin line where giving becomes a sacrifice from the self. And honestly, out of experience, I can say that… I don’t know, and not knowing is somewhat refreshing… It keeps the hope for the future… This way or another it carries the potential of happiness in the end.
And on this journey, I have realized that the present moment do not have any space for expectations. So work on that, may your tool be yoga, running, painting, cooking or writing… Find a place that you are present in the moment and in times you feel disconnected, go to that place of meditation un clogged  with thought as much as you can and drop your expectations, cherish your limitations and flourish!

2014-01-28 13.53.03un

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