I have been receiving feedback inquiries regarding the path that I have chosen for myself; the journey into finding my true self. To be honest, it has been a life long journey and now I know, will last for a lifetime. Although my truth will be the same, my means of communication will diversify through time.
I have always been open to self questioning. In my quest to find a bigger meaning in life, to capture a wider perspective of life itself, I have always been a believer. My soul is an optimistic soul, in this reincarnation I have been blessed to be born within this body with a character who is a searcher, a fighter for the goodness in herself, in life and in others. And the courses I have been taking along the way have been supporting my growth and evolving the being I am.
Today, I cannot claim that I know all the answers. But I can say that I am more aware, that I am awake and when the situation presents itself, at one point in time within that continuum, I manage to be an observer. At that single moment, I no longer am a victim of my own mind and/or emotions. Sometimes I do find myself in a situation that challenges me and realize that I am falling back into the old patters of my mind. Yoga explains these patters with the word “samskara”; the imprints left on the subconscious mind with experience through many lifetimes, that form desires and fears which influences future responses and behavior (karma). Samskara is that which is convenient and easy to follow. Although it is not pleasant, it is the path we have travelled for many lifetimes and the soul somehow finds it easy to fall back into that familiar pattern.
Being more aware doesn’t necessarily mean that we won’t fall into the traps of our mind. We are human beings after all. We have chosen to come to the earth, one more time, within this body, to go through these similar challenges and hopefully be aware of the cycle and break through, somehow claim our freedom from our mind and emotions. We can and will find ourselves lingering down that path which is familiar to us… But the key word is “find”! The moment we find ourselves is the moment that we become the observer rather than the participant.
These tools that life has presented me (and that with courage I have chosen to learn from and apply in my life) are merely there to ease my journey. While the time spent within the samskara has been diminishing, I have started to find myself being able to glance down at the experience from a wider perspective, be an observer of the situation and the emotions associated with it, rather than being carried away by them. And this for me is the step into awareness…
The moment we notice that we are falling back into samskara, we find ourselves in the so called “present moment”. Within that moment we can capture the reality, that we are doing all these to ourselves, and that our perception, our mind is playing a trick on us. With that awareness, we realize that we are more than the sum of our emotions and our thoughts. And it is within that exact moment that we claim the leading role of our life once again and start rewriting our own story. Every situation that we feel frustrated about is actually presenting us a chance to come one step closer to finding our true self. We should seize them! Learn from and grow with them! And when we are truly untouched by these situations, emotionally or mentally, that is the moment we will be able to make a conscious decision. We can either choose to continue on the same path with more awareness and acceptance, or, if the journey doesn’t serve its purpose anymore, if it diverts us from our true destination at that point in time, we might then choose to leave and continue on our own path, with no resentment or sorrow nor sadness but with lightness and surrender in our heart. At that moment, the decision stops being a decision that we have to make that agitates us, tears our soul apart… But rather simply an extension of the moment.
This is one of the many gifts my journey has presented me. The opportunity to be aware and continue, hopefully, with a clear mind… Eventually with an open and light heart, each day I am one step closer to manifest my own reality, live and share my true self in life. So, yes… this is a long and a bumpy road but knowing that “I” am waiting at the end of the road is what makes this journey worthwhile and rewarding.