Always

That is one significant word in my life… always. I do not like continuous words or long term promises in this life. Life in time thought me that nothing is forever and things, emotions, life can change in one single second in our lives… but, this word specifically, I do love! It has a promise in itself, which is why I love it; it nurtures the goodness and belief in my soul. It holds a promise of a better future for the mankind, subtly implies the continuous link in everything.
This word is also in my bucket list. If one day I will decide to have a tattoo on my skin, this is the first word that will be softly and quietly whispering to me, engraved somewhere on my body, reminding me… always.
Love, always… Those people that I have loved, no matter in which circumstances we have departed, no matter how far away they are from me now, no matter if they are still alive or we are still in contact… I love them always. I believe when we “see” a soul and love that being with no judgment or expectation, when we value them for the pure pleasure of enjoying their company because they are just simply themselves… that love never disappears, they live within us, they are a part of us and they have a contribution in the being that we have become today.
Goodness, always… No matter what happened to us that day, and whether our tolerance is low because of that, do goodness for others and for yourself always. A sincere act of love is the key to goodness and peace in this world.
Belief, always… Believe in life and the creation. That no matter what storm we might be going through in our lives today, there will be light and happiness in the end. Universe is conspiring for a better picture for us, we only need to believe and surrender.
Hope, always… hope for a better world where love will rule our hearts and becomes our reality. Hope that people will awaken into their reality, that they are love. Hope that the next generation will not forget and that the world will be filled with the laughter and joy of happy and healthy kids. Hope that tomorrow is a promise for a better world and we will live heaven on earth within our reality.
Inspire, always… live a life worth uplifting, inspiring not only the ones around you, but our own soul also. Be true to ourselves and bring sunshine and lightness to the ones around us. With the beauty we see in the others, guide them into manifesting their own reality into life with acceptance.
Grateful, always… for the being I have chosen to become; for my family and the unconditional love they have given to me; for my husband and his belief in me, providing me space to grow while still holding my hand; for my daughter, the light and the inspiration she has become in my life; for my friends who sees the real me and becomes a mirror to me every day; for yoga, shedding a light in my path to my inner journey; for my psychological and physical health so that I can live and experience life fully; for all the beauty mother earth offers to me every day with compassion and love; and for the sight that has been bestowed upon me that has the power to see and perceive beauty and goodness in everything.
Live, always… Although I do believe in reincarnation, still, this is it! We don’t remember the previous ones and won’t remember this one next time we come around. So, live now, today, fearlessly, whole heartedly as if there is no tomorrow, live fully!
Always, me

Stone from Malibu, Los Angeles, USA

Stone from Malibu, Los Angeles, USA

Deciding a decision

Deciding a decision… that’s the hardest thing in life. Especially, if that decision is going to change your path, your reality at that point in time.

I have been consumed by that phase in my life; there was a point in time that every day I woke up with the feeling that I should be making a decision that specific day. The reality that, days of my life was passing by and that I was delaying my life was honestly eating me alive. Of course, getting out of that mind set took some time and a big fight with the self. It was a challenging road; facing my fears and diving deep into them. But what I realized afterwards now sheds a light in my life; there is no decision to make. The only decision you have to make is be yourself and find happiness regardless of the things that is happening in your life. “Regardless” being the key word here; your happiness should not be related to anything or anyone or any condition. I know it sounds ridiculous trying to be happy in that situation but what I am saying is; be happy in spite of the things that are happening in your life, and keep in mind that you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it!

These paths appear in our lives to wake us up, to change our perception … It may seem surreal at time but one day, you will be grateful for those circumstances that pushed your limits. I realized that I was sleeping and living a dream that I chose to believe, my reality at that point was what I chose to see. If there is an urge in your soul to make a decision, then it is time for you to wake up and alter your reality. Now is the day you need to focus on yourself, clean yourself from all the clutter in you and stand up in life, realize and remember who you really are without all the attachments. Listen to your inner voice, look into the eyes of your loved ones and see the reflection of yourself. Sometimes we are more judgmental to ourselves then others can ever be. See yourself once again from those loving eyes and fall in love with yourself, let the feeling of gratefulness become your reality. Don’t forget that you are stronger than your mind, try to find a way to calm it down so that you could have a clearer vision of yourself… and then… cherish whatever life may offer, because it has so many gifts planned for you, eagerly waiting to become your reality.

Know that you do not need to make any decision right now. That decision will come to you, you will not find it no matter how hard you try… one day, you will just “know”, from the bottom of your core you will know which way to act and there will be no other direction you could take but listen to it… When you are ready, YOUR answer to your search will come to you. Until then, all you could do is, work on yourself, remember and love and cherish who you are … and then, when its time and you are ready, your soul will provide an answer to you. Just breathe and open your eyes and be present today, approach life one step at a time. And hopefully, one day when you look back you will see that you are living the life you were destined to live. Everything has a reason and whatever challenge came into your life, came to change your direction that was not doing any good to you anymore.

There is a saying by Celaleddin Rumi “Don’t worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

We may not want to let go of our routine, our old habits or just the familiar serenity of the life we are accustomed to, but how do we know that what the future holds for us is less than the one we are so eagerly trying to hold on to. Life is full of surprises; let your soul dive into the unknown with wonder and acceptance!

Soğuk Su, Göçek, Turkey

Soğuk Su, Göçek, Turkey

It is never too late to become what you might have been

I know that I generally sound very happy and bubbly… But let me tell you a secret, this is not the case always. I have been lost many times and did question life like everyone. We all go through phases, this way or another. May be because I am at those ages, I am surrounded by people who are going through ups and downs in their lives under the most common term of “mid life crisis”. Some of these crises do happen to be a little severe and take a form as anxiety or panic attacks.

These are the ages that we question everything and realize that life is passing by rapidly. We start asking the right questions to ourselves; am I serving my purpose on this earth, is this really it? I did go through this phase and in the meantime, apparently, started having panic attacks. I, a person who choose to see the beauty in everything was going into such darkness, into unknown territories that at first I didn’t know how to deal with the physical reactions that my body was going through. My first impulse was to think that there was something physically wrong with me. Everyday my mind would find a new form of sicknesses to attach to. When the doctors confirmed me that there was physically nothing wrong with me and the symptoms were rather emotional, I woke up to the reality. Only I was capable of helping myself. The things missing in my life were missing because I was trying to fill them with something outside of myself, but now I know that all the answers were inside of me waiting to be discovered.

I have consulted help and the first solution was medication. But, the next question was, if I did numb my feelings and emotions with medication, how was I going to address the issues and heal them accordingly. At that point, I listened to my inner voice and chose not to take any medication but decided to go to a physiatrist. But, honestly, in time I figured out that, what really helped me through that process was writing. Writing was my tool that brought me back to the present moment. At those times, I became an observer of my emotions and the physical reactions my body was giving to the emotions I was going through. Rather than being swept away by them, I started to analyze these mood swings… I realized that when the attacks came over, writing kept me in the now and anxieties slowly vanished thereafter.

Since she was a baby and whenever my daughter tried something new that failed, she would be so mad and disappointed, and we would always tell her that the road to success was through practice. Everything flourishes with practice, becomes your reality in time. I have always chosen happiness, voluntarily chosen to be positive in life… And by practice, one day you realize that you are not thinking positive anymore, you just became one. With this reality that I have experienced, I choose to get up and face the challenge. If I was not going to face my fears and tackle them, they would be ruling the rest of my life… I chose to be the best version of me, started working on me; my boundaries and my fears. I must accept, it was the most challenging road, but not as challenging as choosing to keep your eyes and heart closed which could lead to a lifetime of unhappiness… Instead I took the challenge to remember who I was, to cast aside my fears and see what was left of “me”… Face the real me and once again love and accept that being who chose to come on this earth. I started my practices again, the more I practiced love and patience and happiness … The more they became my reality once again.

Why am I telling you all these? I am just hoping that my experiences might shed a light into even one single life and that day, if they are going through a similar situation, that soul might see a way out. That you are not alone and only you can help yourself. Dive into yourself, find yourself, accept, love and cherish it! And when you come back, built your own reality, listen to your heart and let it guide you… There is this phrase which I truly find inspiring; it’s never too late to become what you might have been. Bring your truth into life, it’s never too late. Let your soul experience the reality it was intended to be. And when you find this reality, cherish that feeling, nurture it…

This is life and the future is unknown, find your happiness in the present moment and let the future unfold itself with belief in your heart. In time of need let this feeling of lightness and gratefulness be your life saver, your guide back into light, the path back into yourself, love yourself as you are love itself.

And today, I am on this earth one step closer to who I am, listening to my inner voice and let it guide my journey with love. I don’t know what the future holds for me and I do not want to know. I believe in the creation and that whatever the future brings will be for my growth and wellbeing.

Ayvad Bendi, Istanbul

Ayvad Bendi, Istanbul