Complete… Complement

Everything in this world becomes true and active through your perception. Once you shift your perception, your world and your reality follows it, no matter if you like it or not.
During this realization process, my focus has shifted to words. Yes… I do love words. They not only inspire me but also are the easiest and common form of communication with others. Although it is seems like the easiest form of communication, it still is the most delicate and direct form of communication. So, we do need to express ourselves clearly, and try to choose our words wisely. Not only what we say but also how we say that, how we communicate that specific feeling is also very crucial. But unfortunately, that takes a special kind of practice and understanding. “How” becomes activated once we are purified from our expectations from the other and break free from the delusions of our ego. No matter how delicate we are with our words, sometimes, especially while in communication with our close friends and family, (as they are the ones who are somehow able to find and push those hidden buttons within us, funnily enough, with almost no effort at all) the form of our communication is jeopardized with expectations and feelings. Accepting, dealing and shifting this realization require practice and effort. So, in this process, I have decided to work with more tangible things like; words. I have started to take negative words out of my life, changing my perspective towards those words and replacing them with expanding and more enveloping words instead.
Since my teenage years, may be because we were programmed to think that way through our childhood, or maybe it’s been what our souls have been yearning for, or because we simply desire to find a bigger meaning of life in a bigger picture; I have been dying to find my other half that would complete me. Yes, may be, it’s a cliché but most of the girls in this world, no matter where we are from or which circumstances we have been brought up to… most of us has that desire to find that missing part and fill that space with another being that is just right for us. We choose to believe that someone would enter into our lives to complete us and from then on we would live happily ever after.
Life is not designed that way and while we are growing up, we realize that there is no happily ever after… unless we decide to live happiness with ourselves, within ourselves.
Most of my sufferings in my relationships were as a result of this desire; to be completed. When I look at all past relationships, the most uplifting and unforgettable ones were the ones that required no specific form of communication, which we were in contact on a more spiritual level and were mesmerized by the feeling of oneness, pure appreciation of each other. At that level there is no you or me but a complete harmony and acceptance. There is no more agitation or desire to be completed, as wholeness becomes our own reality. And I realized that, while my major sufferings in the relationships were because of my silent expectations and my need to be somehow feel that wholeness with another being, the most peaceful relationships I have had were the ones that this desire ceased to exist.
So, I started shifting the meaning of the word “complete” within me, replacing it with a more inspiring, uplifting, universal version of that word which allows acceptance and surrender in my heart. “Complete” shifted into a calmer version of “complement”.
Complement still preserves the completeness in itself. But it not only completes the other, yet makes it better and perfect. There is no more desire for someone to complete you, there is no need or demand from that significant other anymore, and it becomes a journey that could only be taken with a mutual decision and will. Once you complement each other, you make that conscious decision to walk the path together. Guiding each other in their inner journey, shedding a light into their darkness when needed, inspiring them to manifest and live their own truth. It provides the freedom of being your true self with no judgments or expectations, while ensuring the same terms for the other. This becomes a journey worth taking no matter where that path takes you to. No matter how short or long these relationships last, they are the ones that feed your soul, and they are never really over. They live with you all through your life, and when needed, you will feel their hands holding yours, feeding you courage and reason to move on. These relationships are like a never ending story, carried in your heart for forever with love. Once you know and feel this in your bones, there is no reason to cling on to your relationship. Deep inside, in your core… you simply know that it is real and you blossom together, side by side, each on your own path… fingers touching time to time, holding hand sometimes but simply growing together with love.

Greek ıslands

Greek ıslands


One of my struggles for the last few years has been about the concept of “expectations”. I used to think that my actions took place with no expectation at all, of which I was acting with the mere idea of doing it, that I had to act that way because it made me feel good. I thought I was not expecting much in return but what I didn’t realize was that, my expectations were in a more subtle form. It was not to get a physical payback of some sort, but rather the acknowledgement and the appreciation of my behaviors.

Although I choose to believe that these paybacks were somewhat the replies that I did deserve, at one point, I had to face the ugly reality that this need for appreciation, understanding, and empathy was weighing me down. Nobody is going to give us what we need unless we turn back and look at ourselves… With no judgment, accept the being that we are, as is.

My tool for this realization has been through yoga. There is no competition in yoga… Your only rival is yourself and you cannot evolve, go further unless you accept your limitations. Respect them and slowly test your limits with that awareness. This awareness has shifted in me during my teachers training. Within this process, in time, I have started not to expect anything more than my body can deliver, but instead just be present and listen to my body. Give my 100 percent in the action as not the outcome but the feeling of the motion uplifted me, keeping me in the moment, now, where my body is grounded, diving into a deeper understanding of where I stand on this earth. The fight within my being has somehow diminished and the postures slowly found life within my body.

Then I realized that the same questioning was valid in my daily life… Getting to know myself has made me realize that I love to give in life. No matter if the person in question appreciated my action or not, I was going to offer something from me any way. That is what uplifts me. The real question is to what extend we should be willing to give. Where do we draw the line?

My wise teacher/friend has once told us that “you should give out as much as you take in”. Finding sources that you could be yourself and experiencing your truth freely feeds you and then you start to give more in life, to life. So, my guess would be, as long as you are in touch with your true self, hopefully one could be aware of this thin line where giving becomes a sacrifice from the self. And honestly, out of experience, I can say that… I don’t know, and not knowing is somewhat refreshing… It keeps the hope for the future… This way or another it carries the potential of happiness in the end.
And on this journey, I have realized that the present moment do not have any space for expectations. So work on that, may your tool be yoga, running, painting, cooking or writing… Find a place that you are present in the moment and in times you feel disconnected, go to that place of meditation un clogged  with thought as much as you can and drop your expectations, cherish your limitations and flourish!

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