Deciding a decision

Deciding a decision… that’s the hardest thing in life. Especially, if that decision is going to change your path, your reality at that point in time.

I have been consumed by that phase in my life; there was a point in time that every day I woke up with the feeling that I should be making a decision that specific day. The reality that, days of my life was passing by and that I was delaying my life was honestly eating me alive. Of course, getting out of that mind set took some time and a big fight with the self. It was a challenging road; facing my fears and diving deep into them. But what I realized afterwards now sheds a light in my life; there is no decision to make. The only decision you have to make is be yourself and find happiness regardless of the things that is happening in your life. “Regardless” being the key word here; your happiness should not be related to anything or anyone or any condition. I know it sounds ridiculous trying to be happy in that situation but what I am saying is; be happy in spite of the things that are happening in your life, and keep in mind that you were given this life because you were strong enough to live it!

These paths appear in our lives to wake us up, to change our perception … It may seem surreal at time but one day, you will be grateful for those circumstances that pushed your limits. I realized that I was sleeping and living a dream that I chose to believe, my reality at that point was what I chose to see. If there is an urge in your soul to make a decision, then it is time for you to wake up and alter your reality. Now is the day you need to focus on yourself, clean yourself from all the clutter in you and stand up in life, realize and remember who you really are without all the attachments. Listen to your inner voice, look into the eyes of your loved ones and see the reflection of yourself. Sometimes we are more judgmental to ourselves then others can ever be. See yourself once again from those loving eyes and fall in love with yourself, let the feeling of gratefulness become your reality. Don’t forget that you are stronger than your mind, try to find a way to calm it down so that you could have a clearer vision of yourself… and then… cherish whatever life may offer, because it has so many gifts planned for you, eagerly waiting to become your reality.

Know that you do not need to make any decision right now. That decision will come to you, you will not find it no matter how hard you try… one day, you will just “know”, from the bottom of your core you will know which way to act and there will be no other direction you could take but listen to it… When you are ready, YOUR answer to your search will come to you. Until then, all you could do is, work on yourself, remember and love and cherish who you are … and then, when its time and you are ready, your soul will provide an answer to you. Just breathe and open your eyes and be present today, approach life one step at a time. And hopefully, one day when you look back you will see that you are living the life you were destined to live. Everything has a reason and whatever challenge came into your life, came to change your direction that was not doing any good to you anymore.

There is a saying by Celaleddin Rumi “Don’t worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”

We may not want to let go of our routine, our old habits or just the familiar serenity of the life we are accustomed to, but how do we know that what the future holds for us is less than the one we are so eagerly trying to hold on to. Life is full of surprises; let your soul dive into the unknown with wonder and acceptance!

Soğuk Su, Göçek, Turkey

Soğuk Su, Göçek, Turkey


One of my struggles for the last few years has been about the concept of “expectations”. I used to think that my actions took place with no expectation at all, of which I was acting with the mere idea of doing it, that I had to act that way because it made me feel good. I thought I was not expecting much in return but what I didn’t realize was that, my expectations were in a more subtle form. It was not to get a physical payback of some sort, but rather the acknowledgement and the appreciation of my behaviors.

Although I choose to believe that these paybacks were somewhat the replies that I did deserve, at one point, I had to face the ugly reality that this need for appreciation, understanding, and empathy was weighing me down. Nobody is going to give us what we need unless we turn back and look at ourselves… With no judgment, accept the being that we are, as is.

My tool for this realization has been through yoga. There is no competition in yoga… Your only rival is yourself and you cannot evolve, go further unless you accept your limitations. Respect them and slowly test your limits with that awareness. This awareness has shifted in me during my teachers training. Within this process, in time, I have started not to expect anything more than my body can deliver, but instead just be present and listen to my body. Give my 100 percent in the action as not the outcome but the feeling of the motion uplifted me, keeping me in the moment, now, where my body is grounded, diving into a deeper understanding of where I stand on this earth. The fight within my being has somehow diminished and the postures slowly found life within my body.

Then I realized that the same questioning was valid in my daily life… Getting to know myself has made me realize that I love to give in life. No matter if the person in question appreciated my action or not, I was going to offer something from me any way. That is what uplifts me. The real question is to what extend we should be willing to give. Where do we draw the line?

My wise teacher/friend has once told us that “you should give out as much as you take in”. Finding sources that you could be yourself and experiencing your truth freely feeds you and then you start to give more in life, to life. So, my guess would be, as long as you are in touch with your true self, hopefully one could be aware of this thin line where giving becomes a sacrifice from the self. And honestly, out of experience, I can say that… I don’t know, and not knowing is somewhat refreshing… It keeps the hope for the future… This way or another it carries the potential of happiness in the end.
And on this journey, I have realized that the present moment do not have any space for expectations. So work on that, may your tool be yoga, running, painting, cooking or writing… Find a place that you are present in the moment and in times you feel disconnected, go to that place of meditation un clogged  with thought as much as you can and drop your expectations, cherish your limitations and flourish!

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